By now, most people who have seen the trailer for the upcoming Adam Sandler movie, “Pixels.” It shows some humor, some action, and of course, 80’s video game icons turning monuments into so many pixely-blocks. I’ve heard people talking about how it reminds them of an episode of Futurama. I’ve seen other people say that it will naturally suck because Adam Sandler is in it. Some think it looks like a great premise, others seem to think that not since the bubonic plague has anything appeared so vile.
Personally I would have told the editors to go back to the drawing board. Why is that you might ask? Well, after the second viewing of the trailer there were key elements that I noticed which I think give away major plot points of the movie. This movie is not just going to be a funny romp, but will delve into an unsettling bit of dark humor that may take its audience off guard. I could be wrong of course. I’m not so arrogant as to think that I am going to have this 100% right. However, I also could have figured out more than the filmmakers intended me to.
So, how would I have rewritten this trailer? Let’s break it down:
Mars Attacks….Again!
First, I would say rather than an episode of Futurama, that this movie will be more like Tim Burton’s Mars Attacks. We already know it is a comedy about video game characters trying to conquer the world.
(Okay, borrowed that idea from Nostalgia Critic. Anywho…)
What is also apparent is that much like Mars Attacks, the characters go on murderous rampages and monument destroying binges in humorous fashion. Rather than florescent green skeletons and the Washington Monument getting dropped on a boy scout troop; we see everything the aliens in “Pixels” seems to touch turns to…well…pixels. Everything from firetrucks to the creator of Pac-Man gets turned into pixels. I remember the skeletinization of people in “Mars Attacks” unsettled me. The fact that we might see people dissolving into blocks might be equally unsettling. I know this might seem funny to people, and I am sure it will be played for laughs, but it also might take the audience off guard. The effect is unnerving, but could still have made an appearance in the trailer. However, I would have shown it happening to some random people, not someone who appeared to be set up as a “fake” main character or a throw away gag. I think the potential to upset people without giving prior warning is a bit too much. Something else occurs to me as well: The scene at the end of the trailer where the guy runs away screaming as his hand and arm go “pixely” tells me a few other things about the movie that I probably shouldn’t be able to guess as well.
It is Too Obvious Main Characters Will Die
If this movie is looking to surprise or shock me with a character dying…well, they blew it by showing the Pac-Man guy’s possible death. I can already tell by scenes that happen at different points in the movie that this character’s death is not only supposed to be shocking, but he will likely be the first of the characters to die. I would not have shown the Pac Man creator dying (again, just a guess). Monument destruction is just sort of a thing we expect to happen in a big budget action movie trailer, why show a character dying? (Again, just a guess here). I would have cut that part and just ended the trailer before playing out that scene. Maybe end on Kevin James saying, “It’s just a barrel, how bad could it be?” Then that cut of stuff getting smashed by said barrel. Then cut to title card. Again, that’s just me.
So, what order will the characters die? Not sure, but here is my best guess.
Peter Dinklage is obviously supposed to be patterned after the famous (infamous?) Billy Mitchell, the “King of Kong” himself. I wouldn’t be surprised if the real Mitchell makes a cameo, in fact, I’ll be looking for it. But, because Hollywood films seem to think “irony” is when an anvil hits the coyote rather than get the roadrunner; I am guessing Dinklage’s character will get squished by a Donkey Kong barrel or gobbled by Pac Man.
Kevin James, not sure who he is supposed to be other than a slightly less annoying version of himself. Not sure on this one, but I’m guessing via a villain not in the trailers. Maybe Sinstar (that would be awesome).
Sean Bean, again not sure. But seeing his name in the credits is likely a sign as any that he’s toast. Heck, he might cameo as himself in some-sort-of attempt by the writers to sound “hip” he could even crack a joke about how he always dies before the end. Maybe joke how he thought he would make it this time. Again, just me taking a crack at it because of Hollywood not being able to be that unpredictable.
Peter Dinklage as Billy Mitchell. Kevin James as the President of the United States. Sean Bean as Himself. All dead by movie’s end. Adam Sandler and his female co-star will be the only survivors, and it will set up for possible sequel.
Speaking of Sequels…
The end of the film will likely set up for a sequel with 90’s characters or some other such thing attacking. Because of course they’d want a sequel. There is something about this cut that gives me the vibe it is a set up. I want my trailers to make me think that the movie will be a single shot, not merely the first of many entries in a franchise I have almost no interest in.
Heroes Might Save the Day
No, not Adam Sandler and his wacky crew of misfits trope; I mean a real hero. That’s right, I think Mario, maybe even Link or Luigi will show up and save the day in the end. Or at least play a part in the win. After all, wouldn’t that be a waste if they didn’t? I mean really, if you are going to do a movie where you have video game characters from our past you better have some of them be good guys. I think you can only play up the “Pac-Man is a bad guy” angle so much before you make your audience stop laughing and start sighing in sadness that not only is this as close as we get to having a video game movie, but you made everyone a bad guy. I would have at least hinted at that in the trailer. Unless it was supposed to be a big reveal.
I could be way wrong in these guesses of course. I love disecting trailers at times, and thinking about how I would have written it if it were me–especially if I feel like the trailer was a misfire. Only time will tell if my guesses were right. I’ll just leave this here though in case I’m right.
One More Rewrite 